Week one of our 2013 Pub Quiz Bragging Rights fantasy league is in the books, so it’s time to drastically overreact to what happened. Kasia’s team of Pappeln is obviously poised to score 2480 points on her way to an undefeated season, while the five teams that lost are all on pace to go 0-13. Meaning a winless team will more than likely make the playoffs in our league – the equivalent of the 2010 Seahawks winning the NFC West with a 7-9 record. Considering I’m the one with Marshawn Lynch on his roster, this could be a very positive trend. Beastmode, everyone!
Before we get to this week’s games, let’s have a look at how our first ever Free Agent Acquisition Budget (FAAB) auction ended up.
Waiver-Wire Round-Up:
You know who that is? It’s Julian Edelman. At least, according to Google. See, I honestly have no idea what this year’s most expensive waiver pick-up looks like without his helmet. So I Googled him. And Google, helpful as always, suggested: “Julian Edelman shirtless?” Sure! I said. That sounds great! And this is what I got. (The alternatives were Tim Tebow, Aaron Hernandez, that extremely religion back-up tight-end/punt protector, and Tim Tebow.)
Anyway, Andi seems to be just as confused as he was during our draft, when he forgot which players he’d already selected. So he spent $66 of his $100 dollars on a player who’s never topped 37 receptions in a season – but, to be fair, could be Tom Brady‘s top receiving option as long as The Gronk is out and Kenbrell Thompkins can’t remember how catching works.
Andi’s next (confused) bid would have been $56 on Julius Thomas – a player I ended up grabbing for $10 and flipping immediately for Dwayne Bowe. That was still more than I had to pay, since the next bids on him were $5 apiece from the Templars and beatme not. I also picked up Bryce Brown for $7, when nobody else was even bidding on him – looks like most teams are saving their money for later weeks. The only players besides Andi and myself who ended up spending money were Chris and Pepi, who spent a buck each on terrible players.
Anyway, on to the games. Anything is possible in Week 2 – Kasia could come crashing back to earth, or cement her position as an early favorite with another impressive performance. Week one stars will disappoint, preseason sleepers might finally wake up. Only two things are (nearly) certain – after this week, there will be at least one 2-0 team, and one squad sitting at 0-2.
Team Pappel Off : Blurred Tynes
Kasia’s week one score was truly impressive, and has already prompted at least one bet (that I know of) on whether anyone will exceed her 159.5 all season. On the other hand, there’s really nowhere for her to go but down. Peyton Manning‘s not throwing for seven touchdowns again in his career, and getting double digit points for every skill position starter but the flex slot (including 28.2 from A.J. Green) is pretty much any fantasy player’s dream.
On the other hand, my own team turned out to be a bunch of background singers, rather than the frontmen I thought I’d drafted. Both Stevan Ridley and Marshawn Lynch struggled to produce – which certainly didn’t get any easier once Ridley had taken a seat on the bench and watched teammate Shane Vereen rush for over 100 yards in relief. The Patriots placed Vereen on the IR/designated for return list after the game, meaning he’ll be out until week 11 at the least – probably good news for Ridley going forward.
Doug Martin also had a tough day, but at least he found the end zone to score 10.4 points on the day. Those three running backs, together with a better fantasy performance from America’s Boyfriend Russell Wilson would be the key to victory for me, but if Kasia’s team keeps performing with any kind of consistency, wins will be extremely hard to get against her.
The pick: Kasia keeps up dominating the league, and wins it easily against an only slightly improved Tynes line-up.
Everyplay I’m Facepalming : Me Got Minions
Here it is, the highlight of the week, the showdown between the two undefeated teams in our league! Alright, admittedly, 1-0 might not be the most impressive of records for an undefeated team – but 1.000 is 1.000 is 1.000. Had these teams played each other in Week 1, Carina would have taken the W in the closest match of the weekend. As it stands, Carina’s minions just had to avoid tripping over their own feet to prevail over Pepi, while Chris rode the week’s sixth-highest points total to victory over the Templars.
Chris is still bizarrely carrying two kickers AND two defenses, which will reveal itself as a weakness once bye weeks or injuries force teams to rely on their depth. Until then, though, the combination of Drew Brees, Ray Rice and Calvin “Megatron” Johnson is undoubtedly the strongest 1-2-3 punch in the league on the three primary positions. The lawfirms of Ben, Jarvus, Green & Ellis picked up a measly 25 yards on 14 carries last week – if he keeps up that pace, there’s no way he’s getting 14 carries a game much longer. Similarly, Kenbrell Thompkins couldn’t hold on to most of the balls thrown in his general direction – 4 catches on 14 targets is the recipe for just barely squeaking out a win against the Bills. On the other hand, 14 targets was tied for third amongst all receivers.
Carina’s team is heavy on Packers, but that looks like it should be a positive when the 13-time NFL champions take on Washington this week at Lambeau Field. Apart from that, her team lacks any standout studs. It’s kind of hard to figure out where all her money went, except that Carina stubbornly and successfully picked up pretty much exactly the guys she wanted – and that turned out to be a winning strategy in week one.
The pick: Carina’s team might well have the more successful season, but her massive advantage in depth won’t come into play this early in the season. Chris shocks the world and goes 2-0.
Baum: Arbitrary Unit of Madness : Give Me My Trophy NOW!!!??!!!1111eleven!!!%&)”””!!”
Stefan’s modestly named squad ran into a brick wall of Andi last week, missing out on the win despite scoring a solid 118.3 points. Stefan got an (admittedly solid) 11.6 points from Jermichael “Oh, Was I Supposed To Catch That?” Finley while Jared Cook and his 24.1 points watched from the bench and wondered what was going on. Of course, that switch alone wouldn’t have been enough to take the game from Andi’s Lambo – for that, Cook would have had to replace David “My Pregame Ritual Is Marinating My Hands In Olive Oil” Wilson in Stefan’s line-up.
For Martin, the season started with a bang to the tune of 28.1 points for Demaryius Thomas in the opening game. Of course, that included two of Peyton’s many touchdowns on only five catches – but Denver’s offense (and Peyton’s neck) look strong enough to produce at least one top ten wide receiver every week. The question is, between Thomas, Thomas, Welker and Decker, who’s it going to be in any given game? Of course, as long as Colin Kaepernick is killing the Packers every week (at least until Clay Matthews kills him) Martin probably doesn’t have to worry too much. Oh, what’s that? Kaepernick won’t play the Packers again until the Niners come to Lambeau on January 19? Well then.
Realistically, at least one of these teams – if not both – will fail to repeat its week one scoring. Still, it could end up as the closest match of the week. But personally, I think Martin’s team is the strongest team in the league – unless Steven Jackson spent the offseason with Ponce de León and found the fountain of youth, or Reggie Bush turns into 1999 Marshall Faulk, Stefan will have an uphill battle in this one.
The pick: Listen up, Martin. It’s time. IT IS TIME. There’s nobody else out there! TODAY WE ARE CANCELLING THE APOCALYPSE!
beatme not : Graz BIG BLUE
Tom and Cam might be teammates when promoting Under Armor, but they’re facing off in the world’s greatest fantasy league this week, as both Pepi and Markus struggle to drag themselves out of the hole they spent week one digging. To be fair, Markus could have known exactly how every player in the league was going to perform last week, and still would have lost against Kasia’s fantasy steamroller. But Pepi in particular had his fate in his own hands – as evidenced by this year’s first Norv Plus™ award.
(The Norv Plus™ award goes to the team that:
1. Lost its match-up;
2. Left most points on the bench of all qualifying teams;
and 3. Could have won its game using an optimal line-up.)
Pepi’s 63.6 to 103.6 loss to the Minions might not have looked that close, but careful analysis shows – it was winnable. Pepi bizarrely started super-sleeper Zach Sudfeld and rookie receiver Tavon Austin over known quantities like Jermaine Gresham and Jordy Nelson, leaving a combined 18.5 points on the bench. Both of his back-up RBs outscored his starters (19.5 over 6.8), but maybe the most important move was one no sane owner would have pulled in the first week – benching Tom Brady for a rejuvenated Michael Vick. Altogether, these moves would have brought an additional 41.6 points and a seat-of-his-pants win – but the season’s far from over, and beatme not might start living up to his name yet.
Moving forward, Pepi must choose carefully who to put his trust in. Personally, I think Brady will be fine, and this week would have been the perfect opportunity to trade a still-healthy Vick to a wide-eyed owner for whom Chip Kelly equals fantasy goodness (…raising my hand over here…). On the other hand, if Pepi thinks Brady misses his receiving options too much to shrug off, he should offload Brady as soon as possible, while he still has some value, and hitch his horses to the Read Option Express. Either way, rostering both players seems like a waste.
I don’t yet quite know what to think about Markus’s squad. For the second year in a row, he’s assembled a group of players that I violently, vehemently don’t believe in. But last year, his strategy led to a 9-5 record and an unlucky semi-final loss. The most important change to his line-up was benching Chris Ivory, a mediocre player who isn’t even the starting running back for the Jets. The Jets! Darren McFadden probably won’t be the solution for the entire season, but…well, he isn’t hurt yet, and the Terrelle Pryor-led Raiders sure looked more interesting than the trainwreck many of us were expecting in Oakland this year.
The pick: For his Patriots, Pepi should be hoping that Belichick hasn’t lost his touch to build a viable offense from Tom Brady and spare parts. For fantasy, he should be hoping the same thing for himself. But I think he turns it around this week, if he avoids a second straight Norv.
Colwolf Templars : On The Way To Lambo Field
The Templars had a disappointing Sunday, getting a mere 12.6 points from players whose name doesn’t rhyme with Sharon Dodgers. A strong outing from DeSean Jackson and a passable performance from Arian Foster wasn’t enough to salvage the week, leaving Peter wanting to change things up – an objective he achieved when trading week one disappointment Dwayne Bowe away for hot waiver wire tight-end Julius Thomas. No doubt this team will bounce back for week two.
Andi, on the other hand, might finally have found his season. He held on for a high-scoring win against Stefan based on the strong performances by AP2K and Shady McCoy, the early leaders in the Strongest RB-Duo clubhouse. Of course, Montee Ball is terrible, Giovani Bernard isn’t much better, and Joique Bell‘s reputation has been ruined by scandalous rumors of being a Wanderhure, so who knows what’ll happen on that flex slot moving forward. Andi got slightly Norved at QB despite Zechen Ryan‘s 19.4 points, since Matt Schaub contributed (or rather, didn’t) 23.8 from the bench, but he probably isn’t too worried about the league’s favorite toe moving forward. He was most definitely not Norved by his receivers, as Vincent Jackson and top-scorer Vittorio Cruz rounded off his team-wide strong performance.
The Pick: Of course, Andi looks stronger on paper. But you know what? Fuck the paper. See…I want to believe. What do I believe in, you ask? I believe in Andi making a huge mistake – throwing away his season, even – when he drafted not one, not two, but three players from the terrible Minnesota Vikings. And you know who always beats the Vikings? Aaron Rodgers.
colfantasiert 